


Vexually Transmitted Infection

by Fireteam_Pluto



Series: Phoenix [2]
Category: Destiny (Video Game)
Genre: Action, Action/Adventure, Adventure, Comedy, Gen, Humor, Sexual Humor
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-07-21
Updated: 2017-07-21
Packaged: 2018-12-05 04:50:10
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,577
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11570670
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Fireteam_Pluto/pseuds/Fireteam_Pluto
Summary: By Commander.Join the boys of Fireteam Pluto on their second official mission, which sees them off to Venus! Strap in tight, make sure you have a Trojan ready (Magnum XXL for Mjolnir [even then it's a stretch]), and get down with this sickness. Please consult a physician if a burning sensation persists for longer than four hours.





	Vexually Transmitted Infection

   “Now wait out here Guardians. You can sit there and think about what you did while we think of a punishment for you.” Cayde 6 spoke with slight disappointment in his part robotic tone as he shut the door of the Vanguard halls.

 

   “Is it because I'm a Fallen Kell now?” Roy questions as he sits with a large thud.

 

   “Oh shit! That's a good point.” Phoenix said, with a little bit of panic in his voice. “Do they think he is a bad guy?”

 

   “He hasn't done any damage directly, or purposefully, to the Tower, so at worst they may excommunicate him.” Koru adds.

 

   “Hey, I'm not any of their ex’s. They aren't my type.” Roy mutters to himself.

 

   “Dude, no one knows what you are saying most of the time. You gotta dumb it down for us.” Phoenix tells Koru in confusion.

 

   “Why did I join them?” Koru sighs.

 

   A few minutes later, the doors open up again, and Cayde comes back out in a bit of a rush. “Remember when you were in trouble? And I said you were on a temporary suspension from jobs? Because I don't.” Cayde continues without giving anyone a chance to respond. “So it looks like there is a bit of an anomaly in the Vex network. We have been getting reports from Guardians about Vex fighting Vex. It may be a virus spreading. We want you to check it out. Find out if it will help us out in dealing with the Vex. With this, we may be able to retake Venus.”

 

   “So I'm not gonna get dumped?” Roy asks.

 

   After a moment of awkward silence, Cayde replies. “OK, gonna go out on a limb here and say Koru said something that no one else understands.”

 

   Phoenix responds, “When doesn't he?”

 

   “Good point. Anyway, you guys are off to Venus. We are going to send you with a mobile lab to run tests on whatever this is and see if we can obtain it and use it as a weapon.” Cayde turns to Koru, “Try not to get too excited on the equipment. It's new.”

 

   “You're not my mom.” Koru replies.

 

   “Holy shit. He speaks English.” Phoenix mutters to Roy.

 

   Cayde lowers his head and begins to rub his temple. “God, I wish there were other Guardians available so we wouldn't have to send these idiots.” He whispers to himself.

 

   “How long has the Vanguard had a mobile lab?” Phoenix asks Cayde. “I've never heard of it before.”

 

   “If I tell you it's a Vanguard secret, will you take it and go?” Cayde responds with a glimmer of hope.

 

   Koru chuckles, “Don't be stupid. Phoenix won't buy tha-” 

 

Phoenix interrupts, “That is awesome! We got a super secret mission, with a super secret ship! Roy, I bet we are the first people to see it!”

 

   Koru sighs with defeat as Phoenix continues to pump up Roy. “Why am I associated with these people?”

 

   “OK, OK. I'm going to get a headache listening to all of you. You have your orders, more details are aboard the ship. Grab your gear, and go see Amanda. She's waiting for you.” 

 

As Cayde finishes, Roy jumps up, runs through Phoenix and Koru, and towards the living quarters. “I'll be there in a minute!” Roy yells.

 

   “Wow, whatever Amanda did to get Roy to move like that, I need to do. He is stubborn sometimes.”

 

   “You got a wrench?” Phoenix responds to Cayde.

 

   “I don't want to know. Why are you two still here? Go get ready.” Cayde says to Phoenix and Koru as he goes back into the Vanguard hall.

 

   After Phoenix and Koru gather supplies, they head down to the docking bay where they meet back up with Roy, who is lugging around a large motor trailing behind Amanda Holiday.

 

   “Hey Roy!” Phoenix calls out. “What are you doing?” 

 

   “Helping Ms. Holiday.” He responds. “She said she needed a motor moved, so I grabbed it.”

 

   “I tried to tell ‘im that I had a lift to grab it, but he already had it in his hands by then. It saves me time, so I ain't complainin’.” Amanda adds.

 

   “At least he is occupied.” Koru mumbles to Phoenix. “Roy! Hurry up with that. We got work to do. And where's your stuff?” Koru yells across the bay to Roy.

 

   “It's in the lab. It's the red ship on the right.” Roy yells back as he places the engine in a ship being worked on.

 

   Koru looks to the right, looking up and down the rows of ships. “There is no red one on the right!” He yells back to Roy.

 

  “My right!”

 

  “We have the same right! What are you-”

 

   Phoenix interrupts. “Koru, there is a red ship over there. Let's just go check it out.”

 

   Phoenix and Koru head over to the ship to check it out. It's a larger than normal ship with little weapons fixed to it. The loading door is open, and looking through Roy's helmet can be seen resting inside.

 

   “Well, looks like we got the right one. Let's drop our stuff and get ready to go.” Koru says to Phoenix.

 

   “Sounds good. I'll go get Roy in a minute. Call me when the pizza guy gets here.” Phoenix responds.

 

   “What do you mean? You ordered pizza?” Koru asks Phoenix.

 

   “You gotta have pizza when you fly. It's what you do.”

 

   “No, it's just what you do apparently.”

 

   “Whatever.” Phoenix drops his gear by a wall not too far into the lab. “I'm going for Roy. Don't eat without me.” Phoenix takes off back down the ramp and across the bay.

 

   Koru takes the opportunity to look around. He finds locker space and carefully organizes his gear where all his stuff can be clearly seen and is all accessible. Next to the lockers are some tables with advanced looking equipment and large computers. Koru carefully inspects all of the equipment, particularly to make sure it all works and to figure out  _ how _ it works.

 

   “Wow, this is all pretty neat. I'm keeping these. Where are the instruction manuals?” Koru asks himself as he goes through some drawers. He pulls out a box under a desk and finds the manuals. Also a sleeping, all black, cat. “Sweet, a cat. Is it Roy's? I didn't know he had a cat.”

 

   Koru goes to move the cat over to get to the manuals. “Sorry kitty, but I need these.” The cat wakes as Koru moves her. She jumps up with a hiss as she gains her bearings. “Wow, calm down kitty!” Koru retracts his hands as the cat locks eyes with Koru. Arc energy begins to radiate from the cat as she lets out another angry hiss.

 

   “Umm, excuse you?” Koru mumbles in confusion. The cat pounces as her claws extend and infuse with arc power. Koru recoils as the cat begins batting him around like a cat toy. “Holy shit! What the fuck!?” Koru yells as he defends against the assault of the cat. 

 

Dari speaks to Koru as he gets slammed into a locker.  _ “Are you seriously getting beat up by a cat? You suck at this ‘fighting’ thing.” _

 

“Not now Dari!” Koru yells back when suddenly the cat stops, walks to the cockpit, and goes back to sleep.

 

   Phoenix and Roy walk up the ramp moments later. “Hey Koru, I found...” Phoenix stops short, “What the fuck happened? Did you set off a hurricane in here or something?”

 

   “Oh, looks like he woke up Gypsy. Ya done goofed kid.” Roy states plainly.

 

   Phoenix turns to Roy, “What the fuck is a Gypsy, and how do I not wake it up?”

 

   “Your cat is a Guardian?” Koru yells at Roy from the floor still in shock a cat was capable of what just happened.

 

   “Well, kinda. She is also part of me. I think.” Roy tries explaining.

 

   “Wait, Koru. A cat did this?” Phoenix asks.

 

   “Yes. It was a cat.” Koru stands up, brushing off his robes.

 

   A brief silence falls. “Bwahahahahaha!” Phoenix bursts out laughing. “You got fucked up by a cat! Hahaha!”

 

   “Well, why don't you go wake up the cat then? Let's see how you do.” Koru taunts at Phoenix.

 

   “I'm a dick, I'm not stupid.”

 

   “That's debatable.” Koru mutters.

 

   “Shots!” Roy yells.

 

   “Hey, it wasn't that good of a comeback.” Phoenix turns to Roy.

 

   “No, literally. Shots.” Roy passes around shots of an unknown liquor to ease the tension.

 

   “Oh, sweet. I'll do a shot.” Phoenix and Koru grab a glass.

 

   “A toast to a successful mission!” Roy yells as he raises his glass.

 

   “We didn't even start yet, and I just got my ass kicked by a cat. Something tells me this mission won't go very well.” Koru says in disappointment.

 

   “Look at the bright side. The cat’s on your team!” Phoenix says sarcastically as they toast and down the shots. “Wow. That was a good one.”

 

   “It tastes like fire!” Koru coughs.

 

   “This isn't even the strong stuff.” Roy explains, pouring another shot for himself. “So, where are we going?” Roy questions as he drinks the second shot.

 

   “Venus. The equipment here should be able to pinpoint a more exact location once we get close.”

 

   “I call pilot!” Phoenix yells as he rushes the cockpit.

 

   “Not too loud! You'll wake the cat!” Koru tries to warn Phoenix as he follows behind.

 

   Roy is left standing alone in the lab of the ship. He goes to the back ramp and closes it. “And then there was one.” Roy chuckles to himself. 

 

   “Roy!” Phoenix yells from the cockpit. “How do we not die?”

 

   Roy walks into the cockpit to see Phoenix and Koru standing by the pilot seat, and Gypsy sleeping in it.

 

   “Oh, that's easy. We don't leave until she wakes up.”

 

   “Ummm, we are kinda on a time crunch. We need to go.” Phoenix states.

 

   “OK, how about a little Indiana Jones then?” Koru asks.

 

   “Who?” Roy asks confused.

 

   “Nevermind. Phoenix, go sit on this on the floor over there.” Koru hands Phoenix a pillow and sends him to the corner.

 

   “Ummm, OK.” Confused, he sits on the pillow.

 

   “Dari, I need a hand for a second here.” 

 

   Dari materializes. _ “What do you need?” _

 

   “I need you to deconstruct Phoenix into particles,” 

 

Before Koru can continue Phoenix interrupts. “Fuck you! What are you doing?”

 

   “Trust me.” Koru continues. “As I was saying, deconstruct Phoenix into particles on one wavelength, and the cat on another. Pass them by each other, and switch their positions.”

 

   “If I come out with cat ears, I'm gonna be pissed.” Phoenix mutters.

 

   “But you will be so cute.” Roy sarcastically adds.

 

_ “That seems like a lot of work I don't want to do.” _ Dari sighs.  _ “But whatever. You're just going to nag me until I do it anyway.”  _

 

   “You're not wrong.” Koru adds.

 

   Dari scans Gypsy and Phoenix thoroughly. Then in a flash of screams, from Phoenix, Gypsy and Phoenix switch places. Phoenix at the controls and Gypsy still sound asleep on the pillow.

 

   “Well, that went better than expected. I honestly thought we would all be dead by now.” Koru says.

 

   “Now that that's done, we're off!” Phoenix states as he starts the engines.

 

   “Not waiting for your pizza?” Koru crosses his arms, staring down Phoenix.

 

   “I'll call and tell them to hold it until we get back. They know the drill.”

 

   Runway clearance is granted, and they take off. Phoenix in the cockpit and Roy as a co-pilot set the destination for Venus and start the jump to faster than light travel while Koru messes in the lab figuring out how the equipment works.

 

   “It will be about 10 minutes until we arrive at Venus. You know how to track this thing yet?” Phoenix calls to Koru.

 

   “Yea, yea. I got this. This device must be able to detect frequency anomalies within the communications network of Vex transmissions.” Koru responds.

 

   “Sometimes I feel like you try to use big words to confuse us so we don't know that you have no idea what you are doing.” Phoenix challenges.

 

   “You can't prove that!” Koru yells back.

 

   “As long as we don't die. That would be nice.” Roy adds.

 

   “Why do you care? Clutch can revive you.” Phoenix says to Roy.

 

   “Well, let's just try and avoid dying.” Roy says as he presses random buttons on the console in front of him seeing what they do. 10 minutes and 30 seconds later, Roy begins to groan.

 

   “Phoenix, I don't see Venus yet.” Roy says looking out the window.

 

   “Oh my God, give it a minute. We are almost there.”

 

   “You said 10 minutes. That was more than 10 minutes ago. You lied.”

 

   “I'm going to kick you out the airlock. Keep it up smartass.” Phoenix threatens as he points at Roy.

 

   “Fine, but I don't trust your math. You are almost as bad as me.” Roy shrugs and crosses his arms.

 

   “That's it!” Phoenix stands up just as they leave faster than light speeds and approach Venus. The sight of the planet distracts the two as they stop to admire the sight. 

 

   “Koru, you ready? We're heading in for a landing now. Let's find this thing.” Phoenix yells back at Koru as he enters landing commands into the console.

 

   “Yea, I, ummm, got some things to bring with us. I'll prep the. Uhhh. Flux. Relays. And such.” Koru stutters

 

   The ship descends to the planet towards some large spire like structures that have a glow to them. “Looks like a good spot to find a virus.” Phoenix says to himself.

 

   “Why, because it's glowy?” Roy asks.

 

   “Yes, actually.” Phoenix responds.

 

   The ship drops down and materializes the three to the ground. Koru has multiple gadgets strapped to him, flashing and beeping, as he shuffles through them attempting to gather himself.

 

   “Ok, which one of you is beeping?” Koru speaks to himself.

 

   “You're a mess.” Phoenix shakes his head.

 

   “Oh, come on. I'm sure he has this.” Roy adds as he takes a swig of his flask. “And this one is for Gypsy.” Roy pulls out a flask with the word ‘Milk’ scratched into it and lets Gypsy drink from it. 

 

   “Wouldn't that be warm? It's been on your belt all day.” Phoenix asks.

 

   “Nah, I got a special flask that stays cold. Only the best for my old girl.” Roy says as he puts the flask away. “So Koru, where are we going?”

 

   Koru fumbles through the devices around his neck and picks up one and starts fiddling with it. “This device should pick up Vex communications across a wide area and pick out anomalies within the channels. So by my calculations. We need. To be going. This way.” Koru points as he starts to walk. He gets a few steps in and stops. “Wait.” Koru takes the device and turns it around. He then turns a complete 180 degrees and points. “It's this way.” And continues to walk.

 

   “You had it upside down? You're kidding me, right?” Phoenix yells in shock.

 

   Gypsy jumps up onto Roy's shoulder and they start to follow behind Koru. As they travel, Koru goes back and forth between devices and punching in numbers. “The beeping is getting faster. We are getting close.” Koru reassures Phoenix and Roy.

 

   “So what do the others do?” Phoenix asks.

 

   “Huh?” Koru turns to Phoenix.

 

   “What do the others do? The beeping one is tracking whatever we are looking for, but what about those things?” Phoenix asks.

 

   “Oh, these? They are highly complicated devices. It will take too long to explain.” 

 

   “Is it because you don't know what they do?”

 

   “What? Who told you that? Of course not. They are just. Uh, complicated.”

 

   “You said that already.”

 

   “And I meant it.”

 

   “You totally don't know what you are doing. We are lost.”

 

   “No we are not. I know what I'm doing.”

 

   “Uhh, guys?” Roy tries to jump in.

 

   “No you don't! We are lost! I'm calling the ship to pick us up.” Phoenix yells.

 

   “Don't do that! I almost have this thing tracked!”

 

   “Guys!” Roy attempts to jump in again.

 

   “You couldn't track your ghost! And it's attached to you!” Phoenix yells.

 

_ “Ouch. That was a good one.”  _ Dari adds.

 

    “Shut up Dari! And shut up Phoenix! I got this!”

 

   “Shut up all of you!” Roy yells. Phoenix and Koru stop fighting and turn to Roy. A moment of silence passes and Roy points to Koru’s tracking device. “It stopped beeping.” Phoenix and Koru both look at the device as Koru frantically hits buttons.

 

    “Ok, I don't got this.” Koru admits.

 

   “Also, there are Vex incoming.” Roy points to a dark cloud above the ground as Vex teleport in.

 

   “Open fire!” Phoenix yells as he draws his hand cannon and begins to fire at the closest Vex.

 

   The Vex return fire as Koru and Roy simultaneously draw and fire along with Phoenix. Koru takes a shot at one of the larger Minotaurs and blasts its “head” off. The Minotaur screeches as it charges in a frenzy.

 

   “Oh fuck. Roy, get that?” Koru asks as he switches targets with Roy.

 

   “Time to ride the fuck train!” Roy yells in excitement as the Minotaur gets close.

 

   The Minotaur raises its arm and swings down with enormous force aimed at Roy’s head. Roy side steps and catches the blow with his shoulder as his shields flicker and fade. Roy then grabs onto the large machine, one hand on its hip, the other under its arm. Roy lifts the machine up, and throws it to the ground, drawing his jagged hand cannon from his hip, and finishing it off with a loud metal on metal sounding clap as Roy sends a large hunk of metal through the machine.

 

   “Next!” Roy yells with enthusiasm.

 

Just then, one of the Vex stops firing as his eye turns blue. And then another. And another. The remaining Vex with the red eyes notice, and stop firing at the Guardians. Instead, they start firing on the Vex with the blue eyes. The blue eyed Vex retaliate until eventually, all of the Vex have blue eyes. And all turn to the Guardians at the same time.

 

   “Um, Koru? I think we found the virus. What do we do now?” Phoenix asks in a whisper while his hand cannon is leveled changing from target to target.

 

   “One of these has to do something.” Koru whispers as he frantically goes through the devices still around his neck.

 

   One of the Vex approaches, its weapon lowered, and begins to speak. “Based off of your fighting styles, armor, and abilities, it looks as though an Awoken Warlock, a Human Titan and a Human Warlock have gone astray.”

 

   “Gone a-what?” Roy asks Koru.

 

   “Shush!” Koru responds sharply, as he switches devices.

 

   “Actually, I was classified as a Hunter.” Phoenix corrects the Machine. “And you are?”

 

   “My name is Legion. For we are many!” As he speaks, more and more blue eyed Vex teleport in.

 

   “You seem to be more of a virus. Seems like you jump from Vex to Vex, corrupting them in the process. The name Trojan comes to mind.” Koru sarcastically adds.

 

   “Kill the blue one.” Legion demands.

 

   “Racist.” Koru adds just before the Vex open fire.

 

   “Fall back!” Phoenix yells as they retreat to the high ground. More and more Vex warping in as they run. They take cover behind a pile of boulders.

 

   “Holy shit that’s a lot of Vex!” Phoenix yells.

 

   “Considering the amount that was already there, and the rate at which they are warping in, assuming the rate hasn't changed, since we lost sight. I calculate roughly 87 hostile Vex.” Koru adds.

 

   “Some things are better left unsaid Koru.” Phoenix glares.

 

   “103 now.” Koru adds. Again.

 

   “Can you shut up?” Phoenix yells.

 

   “No, I can’t. It’s a blessing, and a curse.”

 

   “Whatever. Well, set your Ghosts to quick revive, this is going to be rough.” Phoenix groans.

 

   “Uhh, guys? Is it a bad time to mention that I left Clutch on Earth?” Roy admits.

 

   “Are you fucking serious? Where is he?” Phoenix yells.

 

   “I don’t know. He said he didn’t want to go. Said he was going somewhere called the Giga Bite?”

 

   “Is that some sort of food place?” Phoenix asks.

 

   “He said you don't taste the merchandise there. You just watch. Whatever that means.” Roy ponders.

 

   Koru thinks for a minute. “A gigabyte of data translates roughly to an hour of most recorded watchable entertainment. Depending on special effects, of course. It is likely a theater of some kind.”

 

   Roy turns. “My Ghost isn’t a nerd like you though.”

 

   Koru sighs.

 

   “Maybe it's a strip club? They don't like it when you lick stuff there. You could get a disease.” Phoenix adds.

 

   “But Clutch doesn’t have a penis. I think.” Roy thinks.

 

_ “Well actually…”  _ Dari begins, but gets interrupted by Roy. 

 

“Guys, we are surrounded.” Roy points out to the Vex all around them.

 

   “Thank the Traveler, that was getting weird.” Koru sighs in relief.

 

   Dozens of blue eyed Vex corner the three against the boulder that was their cover.

 

   “How do you three get anything done? Legion asks.

 

   “We don't.” Koru responds.

 

   Phoenix whispers to Roy, “Hey, where did your cat go?”

 

   “Shhh, just give her a minute.” Roy responds.

 

   “I feel if I let you three live, you may eventually do even more damage to your cursed Traveler than I ever could. So this should be seen as a service to your Traveler.” Legion taunts, as he levels his weapon to Koru’s head.

 

   “It's because I’m blue, isn’t it?” Koru asks, with a slightly irritated tone.

 

   “No, it’s because you’re an ass.” Replies Legion.

 

   Just then, explosions go off taking out multiple Vex each.

 

   “Run!” Roy yells, as he grabs both Phoenix and Koru by the collars, lifting them up as he runs.

 

   “What the fuck was that?” Phoenix yells as he collects himself and starts running on his own.

 

   “Gypsy. She can plant land mines. She is little and fast. No one ever notices her.” Roy explained as they make their way out of contact with the Vex.

 

   “I think. We. Are good.” Koru pants as he catches his breath.

 

   “Why are you so out of breath. We didn't even go far.” Phoenix chuckles.

 

   “Fuck. You. I’m a thinker. Not a sprinter.” Koru responds.

 

   “So what's the plan?” Roy asks.

 

   Koru inhales and exhales deeply to catch his breath. “Ok, So while he was talking big, I did a few scans. I think I know how we can kill it.”

 

   “Kill it? It's fighting the Vex for us. Why not let it do it's thing?” Phoenix asks.

 

   “Because they are better at fighting than the Vex we know are. Much more brutal as well. We would have a more difficult time with these. I don't think we can make peace with them either. They kinda did just try to kill us.” Koru explains.

 

   “Ah. Yea. Good point.” Phoenix admits. “So what's this idea you have?”

 

   “Legion seems to be only existent in one machine at any given time. Likely moves through the comm fields the Vex use.” Koru begins to explain.

 

   “What makes you so sure it's only the one? There were lots of blue eyed ones there.” Phoenix asks.

 

   “It's obviously just the one.” Roy adds. “During the whole fight between the Vex on Vex, there was always one blue eyed Vex that was moving better than the others, and reacting much faster than all of them.”

 

   “Wow. That's actually absolutely right Roy. I’m proud of you.” Koru congratulates Roy with a pat on the back. “You just got schooled by Roy, Phoenix.”

 

   “Yea? Well, I was busy trying not to die.” Phoenix explains as he lowers his head and kicks at the dirt.

 

   “Anyway, if we can cut off Legion from jumping to another Vex temporarily and kill him, he should die. The Vex he already corrupted would likely still be corrupted, but I’m sure the other Vex can weed them out eventually.” Koru finishes.

 

   “And do you have a way of cutting his comms?” Phoenix asks.

 

   “Yes actually. But we only have one shot at doing it. I can send a virus out to the comm networks in the immediate area and kill all communications. But Vex are very fast at recovering against cyber attacks and creating firewalls to prevent the same attack twice, so we only have one shot.” Koru explains as he pulls out one of his gadgets and starts to get to work.

 

   “Sounds good. So where do we find this guy?” Phoenix asks.

 

   “I can track him.” Koru says confidently.

 

   Phoenix crosses his arms, “Like last time?”

 

   Koru looks up from the gadget, “No, it will be different.”

 

   “How will it be different?” Phoenix challenges.

 

   “Because it won't be dumb luck this time. And I'll be using the actual tracker.” Koru admits.

 

   “Wow.” Phoenix simply responds.

 

   “Shut up. I figured it out at least. But anyway, it looks like they are on the move. Headed towards uncharted territory.” Koru explains as he makes adjustments on the tracker.

 

   “Sweet! Field trip!” Roy yells.

 

   “Uh, Roy? Where is Gypsy?” Phoenix asks as he looks around.

 

   “Sitting at your feet. Why?” Roy points at Gypsy at Phoenix’s feet.

 

   “How the fuck?” Phoenix exclaims as he looks down and sees Gypsy.

 

   “She is quick and little. No one sees her.” Roy states as he picks up Gypsy and puts her on his shoulder.

 

   “It looks like Legion stopped moving. We should go now, before he gets moving again.” Koru announces.

 

   “All right, let's go!” Phoenix yells enthusiastically.

 

   “Should take us about 15 minutes on foot. As long as terrain isn't an issue.” Koru explains.

 

   “Sweet. Let’s go! I hope your math is better than Phoenix’s.” Roy adds as they start moving out. 15 minutes and 30 seconds later, Roy begins moaning again.

 

   “Oh my god! None of us can do math! And I’m learning from you!” Roy complains.

 

   “Shut up! We are here!” Koru snaps. “They are just up that hill over there.”

 

   Koru points up a hill where there is a large vault like door with a pillar to the left at the bottom of the hill, the right past the door on a cliff facing, and one right in front of the door.

 

   “I don't see anything.” Roy says as he looks around.

 

   “The scans say Legion is at the top of the hill, by the door.” Koru explains.

 

   “Ok, so what's the plan?” Phoenix asks.

 

   “Well, there is a lot here, so it would be best to avoid prolonged combat. Especially because one of us can't revive.” Both Koru and Phoenix glare at Roy.

 

   “Ok, yea. My bad.” Roy admits as he throws his hands up.

 

   “So we know he hates me. So me and Roy can charge up the hill as a distraction. Phoenix, you can climb up the other side and wait for an opening to wipe his comms and take him out.” Koru explains.

 

   “Question.” Phoenix raises his hand.

 

   “Yes Phoenix?”

 

   “Why do I have to climb a fucking rock wall?” Phoenix asks irritated.

 

   “You’re supposed to be a Hunter. I'm sure you can do it.” Koru says with a chuckle.

 

   “Fine, but you aren't getting any pizza when we get back.” Phoenix grumbles as he moves into position and starts to make his way up the cliffside. 

 

Roy and Koru head up the hill where they are almost immediately spotted. The Vex turn, and start making their way towards Roy and Koru. Before the Vex get too close, Gypsy jumps off Roy and takes off into tall grass.

 

   “She will be back.” Roy confidently informs Koru.

 

   The Vex open fire on Roy and Koru, just as the air in front of Koru glows as he forms a rune in mid air. The rune goes off creating a smokescreen in front of them, blocking them from view. Koru dives from out of the smoke on the left and begins firing on the Vex taking two out before they can retarget him. Just as the Vex turn to Koru, Roy dashes through the smoke charging the Vex head on. Roy is able to close the gap between them before any of the Vex can switch targets. Roy leaps in the air, charged with arc energy and slams the ground with an explosive punch wiping out all of the first wave of Vex.

 

   “So the Guardians want to challenge me? Right in front of the Vault of Glass? I am about to open these gates and corrupt all of time itself.” Legion announces.

 

   “That doesn't sound good. Let's not let him do that.” Roy tells Koru.

 

   “Yea, that's the plan.” Koru puts his hand on Roy’s back and Roy’s back begins to glow. “Now go get ‘em champ.” Roy's back explodes with a jet of flames as he is hurtled forward towards Legion.

 

   “Fuuuuucck!” Roy yells as he hurtles through the air and tackles Legion before he can brace for it.

 

   “Phoenix! Now!” Koru yells as more Vex warp in around Koru.

 

   Phoenix jumps out from nowhere, device ready, closing in on Legion. Legion collects himself, lifts Roy up, and hurls him at Phoenix. They collide violently, knocking Phoenix to the ground. 

 

   “Shit, you ok Phoenix?” Roy nudges Phoenix, who wasn't moving. “Damn, he got knocked the fuck out.”

 

   Legion approaches and lifts his arm about to drop down on them both with a finishing blow. Roy notices and puts his arms up just in time to catch Legion’s arm.

 

   “Hold on guys, I’m coming!” Koru yells, trying to fight his way through the Vex.

 

   “Your body will soon give out. Mine does not tire. You are all inferior.” Legion tells Roy.

 

   Phoenix wakes, and immediately notices the struggle. “This mother fucker.” Phoenix growls as he begins to lose his temper. “Clear comms!” He yells.

 

   “Clear comms? Really? That's so stu-” Roy gets cut off as Phoenix activates the virus and wipes out all communication. As the virus infects Legion, he shorts for a moment and Roy gains the advantage and pushes him back a few steps.

 

   “What did you do?” Legion asks.

 

   “I don't know. But fuck you.” Phoenix cloaks himself in fire, and lets loose an explosion blowing both Roy and Legion away. Phoenix then focuses the fire around his body into his hand and launches it at Legion incinerating his body for good measure.

 

   Roy stumbles to his feet and looks at Phoenix and tries to speak, but it is low and muffled.

 

   “What?” Phoenix says, staring confused at Roy.

 

   Roy attempts to speak again, but is still low and muffled.

 

   “I can't hear you.” Phoenix throws his arms up in confusion.

 

   “I could use a hand over here!” Koru calls out pinned behind cover. Just then, explosions go off taking out Vex, giving a good opportunity to retreat. “Thanks Gypsy. Fall back!” Koru takes off, with Gypsy, Roy and Phoenix following behind. Suddenly, a Vex cloud forms in front of them.

 

   “More Vex!” Phoenix yells. They jump to the side for cover as red eyed Vex warp in. “These are the normal Vex. You think they were tracking Legion too?” Phoenix asks.

 

   The red eyed Vex march past the cover Phoenix, Koru and Roy were hiding behind and engage the blue eyed Vex.

 

   “Looks like they aren’t here for us. Let's use them to get out of here.” Koru whispers, trying not to be noticed by any Vex.

 

   “Yea, good idea.” Phoenix agrees, as they break contact and head for a clearing.

 

   Once they get a safe distance away, and into a suitable position for pick up, Phoenix calls in the ship.

 

   “See that? That wasn't too bad.” Phoenix states confidently.

 

   “Yea, that went well.” Koru agrees.

 

   Roy stares blankly flipping both of them off.

 

   “Your radio wouldn't have broken if you cleared the comms like I said.” Phoenix says as he crosses his arms.

 

   The ship comes in low, and the three materialize into the ship as it automatically adjusts course back to the Tower.

 

   Roy removes his helmet and takes a swig of his rum. “You both blew me up. Fuckers.”

 

   “But did you die?” Koru responds as he takes his helmet off.

 

   “Yea, Roy. You’re acting like you haven't blown up before.” Phoenix adds.

 

   “I'm not a punching bag. If you need me, I'll be drinking with my cat.” Roy states as he storms out pulling out more flasks.

 

   “He'll be over it in like, 10 minutes.” Koru thinks out loud.

 

   “Well, I guess it's off to the Tower. We are all done here. Good job gents!” Phoenix says with a thumbs up and heads to the cockpit.

 

   “I wonder how long it will take the Vex to clear out the blue eyed ones.” Koru says as he follows behind Phoenix.

 

   “I don't know, and I don't care. As long as they kill each other.” Phoenix says, uninterested as he takes a seat in the pilot’s chair. 

 

   “Well hopefully they die off quick. Now that I think about it, that virus in them could bite us in the ass later.”

 

   “Well whatever, what's done is done. Let's get to the Tower fast, I got my pizza on order already!” Phoenix says rubbing his gut and smiling.

 

_ “You are such a fat ass.”  _ A female voice called out from seemingly nowhere.

  
__ “No one asked you, Skye!” Phoenix yells.


End file.
